solitary

am i considered abnormal if i say i'm happy living in solitary life?
i know i know. somehow, no matter how overjoyed i am being alone,
i'll be needing someone by my side who i can count on anything.
anyone..family, friends or even a life partner.

unlike any other blog, particularly, my friends blogs..
they all have stories of their outdoor experiences. bittersweet memories.
while i'm here stuck in my house alone while my parents at work, suffocating,
wanting to breathe the fresh air outside but i cant.
the only thing left for me to do is whining and whinging about it.
ironically, i'm happy being alone and being locked in the house and i feel my life's perfect

crazy.
ive gone mad i think.

i dont enjoy meeting people and talk to them anymore. they make me uncomfortable.
like i'm having social anxiety or something.
but i believe this is gonna end soon.
so does the obsession of 'The Roommate' and 'Lady Diana'.

cravings

still cant believe i'm leaving already next week.
gonbe busy busy busy
guess there'll be just ME. i'll have Popo with me if i'm lucky. IF she doesnt change her mind bout going there with me.

man, i just dont wanna think of whats gonna happen to me there.
whos gonbe my roommate.
Aha! speaking of 'the roommate', i'm dying to watch 'The Roommate'.
being there, i dont think i have that much of time to watch muvees.
nevertheless, i think i'm gonbe paranoid of my roommate after watching it.

i was so excited i downloaded the muvee tht i even skipped my breakfast for it.
the picture was awesome man! but..
to my frustration, it's not a full muvee.
so, basically, i only watched halfway of the muvee. (T..T)
rite now, i'm downloading another. still waiting and waiting. what a torment!
it's been 3 hours u know?

now, the progress shows 86%. perhaps gotta wait for another one hour. my sister will be home by that moment to bug me, yelling for food and while i make her some, she'll take over the computer. just another slick tactics of my sister.


done with gibberish talks. i'm starving. seriously craving for some cheese tarts...and The Roommate. (T..T)

i dont know how to be honest ... anymore

they say honesty is the best policy.

somehow, i doubt that.

know why i never wanna be honest with u?

it's how u react towards it.

even if i tell u the truth, u wont believe me anyway.

does it make any difference if i lie to u?

wht do i do then?

ultimately, i'm at fault.

u know this is bullshit.

enough!

u already spoiled the day so why bother spoiling our lunch?

we were sitting there and u brought that petty thing up

and started to create scenes in the public.

seriously, wth?

that's one of the reasons y i wanna keep a distance from u.

again, wht do i do?

i'm left with no choice.

!@#$%^&

gege gege gelegok

pakak gege psl matrik kat blog blako, kawe nk gege jgk !!

kawe bulih dekat ...

KMNS - Kolej Matrikulasi Negeri Sembilan

ak mtok kt kedah, perak ng pahang. tbo2 jah tubek gtuh. nk wat gno.

LOL - ed

 

take a closer look. who do u think that girl in purple shawl look like?

aisya amira showed me this and i was like "whaaaaaaaat??" 

p/s: i dont have the copyright for this picture. so sory laa tuan pny gmbr. 

nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm

long i locked myself in home without the net and by not having even the slightest desire to go out and see the world. 2 weeks i've been away from people. (i really kept my word when i told u that i wanna be away from everybody in the previous post). nonetheless, isolating myself from the societies gives me room to think about...everything.

"a poet who never actually tasted the bitterness of life will only write chains of meaningless cheap words because it is mere his thoughts, not his heart."

it's a quote from a book.

the point is, if u wanna do something, put ur heart into it or else it's better not to do it at all because it makes no difference.

maybe i'm too stupid to realize that the most essential element that i was lacking of all this while was passion and genuineness.

"believe me, anything done with heart n soul is special". all my life i only hear people saying so. i do understand the definition but i didn't 'feel' the meaning until.. now.

but hey, who am i to talk on genuineness and passion? after all, people see me as a gal who always trip n never really done what she says. in two words, major loser. well, maybe i am.

it's called a public humiliation.

it happened 2 years ago. just feel like posting it though it means nothing to me now.

"A, your turn" Mrs X called my name. shaky, i clenched my trembling fist as if assembling somekind of super power to hold myself together and pull myself upright.

there was a long silence. at that moment, everyone waited curiously of what i was going to say while i stammered like a cd player playing scratched cd. F, a senior debater tried to mouth me the opening speech either she pitied me or she felt tired waiting for me to utter a single meaningful word rather than .. "errr..."

three minutes of silence was broken when Mrs X asked me to sit and called the debate training a day before i even started anything yet.

"A, let me get this straight, (sigh) . frankly speaking, u're never part of the junior debate team as u're long eliminated since the audition day but i did not inform u."

Mrs X's voice lowered when she said 'i didnt inform u'

"look at u, u stumbled just now. do u expect to stand there like a statue with ur lips sealed in the debate tournament when it's ur turn to make a rebuttal?" she added.

my mind went blank that every word she said just passed thru my right ear n came out thru the other like thin air. feeling numb, i just gave her a lost stare and carved a crooked smile.

with my face lowered filled with shame n humiliation, i walked out of the room of embarrassment in front of my seniors, my peers n myself but..

her blistering remark still echoed, "...eliminated since the audition but i didnt inform u.."

way to go. u said i cant debate, i admit i couldnt but u just kept ur mouth shut about the elimination, that pissed me off the most! then, u made a shame of me in front of everyone ! ma'am, u had no idea what i've left behind just to attend that stupid training for a month already because i was such an idiot to think that i was  part of the team. u deserve a round of applause, a standing ovation for creating the best public humiliation of the year. x(

p/s; pardon me if my english sucks. i didnt go to CLC or KEX so i put the blame on national service for 3months of time wasted without any english class provided